Is your romantic partner right for you or is it time to move on? There is no single answer to this question, no matter how much relationship advice you read up on. Everyone’s situation is unique. But below are some indicators that it may be time to part ways.
Before reading on, you will need to step back from your relationship for a moment and look at it from the perspective of an outsider (I will take the perspective of a woman thinking in a relationship with a man but the advice should apply all-around). Here are 5 signs you and your partner are incompatible.
1. You have different core values.
Core values are non-negotiables, such as the desire to have kids, to get married, or to move to Iceland. If you and your partner’s core values differ significantly, that is a major red flag. That by itself should be cause for concern, regardless of how well you currently get along with him. If you are willing to negotiate your so-called core values, those values are not in fact (or are no longer) core values.
Granted, it’s possible for you to truly change your core values, but changes of this kind shouldn’t be the result of pressure or suggestions from a romantic partner. They should be the result of personal growth.
2. Your partner takes you for granted.
You watch the movies your partner picked out earlier, you eat the food he decided to bring home from one of the local take-out places without consulting with you first, you dress the kids in clothes you know he will like. Meanwhile, he never acknowledges any of this. He simply takes your submissive behavior for granted.
In his mindset, it’s assumed that this is how things are meant to be: take-charge man, submissive woman. It feels as if you could easily have been replaced by one of those inflatable sex dolls. Would it have made a difference to his behavior? Probably not. He would probably just have had more than his share of the Chinese food.
3. Your partner doesn’t respect you.
Lack of respect can show up in many different forms. One is the lack of forward-moving actions. But it can also be in terms of verbal or emotional abuse, or passive-aggressive behavior. All the last three mentioned styles of abusive behavior can be so subtle that it is hard to notice it for what it is. He might be well aware of the fact that he fails to do his share of the household duties and yet does nothing about it (passive-aggressive) or he might attempt to create distance between the two of you by making plans for the weekend without first attempting to make any joint plans with you.
Sometimes these styles of abusive behaviors are not quite as subtle. He may be calling you derogatory names such as “whore,” “slut,” “hooker,” or “b*tch” and never apologize. He might even repeat it. Or he might disguise it, as in “In those clothes, you look like a slut.”
By putting it this way he is trying to control you without you actually having any direct way of blaming him. After all, he didn’t call you a slut. The abuse is cleverly disguised under the perceptual verb phrase “looks [to me] like.”