3 Reasons Why People In Happy Relationships Have Affairs
When a person in a relationship has an affair, we tend to assume there’s something wrong, either with the guilty party or with their relationship.
He must not really love his partner. She must be a horrible person, desperate for sex. Their marriage was broken but they were too blind to see it.
And yes, sometimes that’s exactly what happened. But don’t let that lead you into a false sense of security: cheating can happen in ANY relationship.
Yes, even the happiest and most fulfilling of marriages can have a spouse who cheats. Which seems to go against logic. After all, if you’re in a committed relationship with someone that means you love them.
How can you cheat on someone you love?
Senior VP of YourTango Experts, Melanie Gorman, asked a group of relationship Experts exactly that: why do happy couples in happy relationships cheat?
Here are 3 Expert reasons why your partner (or you) might cheat, even if they are completely happy and in love with you.
1. They are trying to reconnect with something.
It’s not that they are trying to pull away and disconnect from you. They just want to find something they have lost in themselves. It could be freedom, it could be passion, or something else entirely. And while it might hurt that they went searching for it outside of your relationship, it does not mean they are unhappy with you.They just might be a little embarrassed to admit what it is they need.
2. It’s in our biology.
Cheating happens in every culture. Every. Culture. Even the ones where having an affair to leads to a stoning or worse. So there has to be some sort of reason for it, because otherwise why would people be willing to risk their lives? The answer is our biology. We have what is called a dual human reproductive strategy which, simply put, means we have this evolutionary need to form a loving and lasting bond.
But it also creates a drive for adultery, because there is something to be gained from it.
For men, having another woman meant having more children — thereby having more chances to pass on their DNA to the future.
For women, an affair with another man was insurance, in case her husband died or deserted her and she needed another man to protect her.
And while this may not be the case in our society today, it is still there in our DNA.